It begins...

My name is Toby and I am a food addict!  There I said it.  I wake up in the morning thinking about food, I plan my day around food and I go to bed dreaming about food.  Food, food, food…it’s an obsession with me.

When I was young, I was a chubby girl…totally my own doing…I always loved to go to Gramma’s house because she made the best treats.  Squares of chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk, graham crumbs and coconut.  Those were my favourite!  Her cookies, cakes and breads were darn good too.  If I wasn’t lucky enough to be at Gramma’s for a meal, I would sneak down to her cold room in the basement and fill my face with macaroons and peanut clusters.  Funny how even then I knew what I was doing was somehow wrong, unhealthy both for my body and my spirit.

When I got a little older I started to bake at home.  I would scan the cookbooks and scour the cupboards for ingredients.  It didn’t really matter what it was, as long as it was sweet. This obsession with sugar carried through to adulthood. ..only now I was smarter. (Or so I thought) Sugar-free, chemical laden fare became my vice.  Diet soda, crystal light, maltitol…oh the stomach aches I would get from that sugar free chocolate…but how great it was that I, a low carb devotee, could have chocolate!

Extreme Low fat diets, Aitkins, Weight Watchers, Somersize, South Beach…I’ve done them all!    I lost weight on all of them, but still that fixation with sugar continued.  I have to add here, that I have always been religious about working out.  I like to get a sweat on 5-6 times a week.  That’s been a constant which was important because as my weight fluctuated it taught me a very important lesson about diet.  It trumps exercise! 

About two years ago I settled in on Clean Eating.  “It’s the only way..” a friend and fitness competitor told me.  She looked fabulous so maybe there was something to this.

I bought all the books, researched on the internet and got cooking.  It was a lot of work in the beginning, or seemed like a lot of work all this meal planning and prep.  “You’re going to eat how many times a day?” my husband would ask…”Six”, I would tell him!   The reaction was even stronger from my parents, strict low carbers, but they got on board too.  I would cook for and encourage friends to join me. Anyone  who knows me well,  knows that I jump into things I believe in with two feet and want everyone I love to come with me.

I can now say, with some authority, that Clean Eating is the ONLY way.  No looking back.  My food obsession no longer resides on the dark side! 

I must add though, that through this Clean Eating journey, sugar still had my number…dialing me up on a daily basis at about 3:00 o’clock every  afternoon and then again about 7:00pm.  I would nibble on some dark chocolate (always trying to make a ‘better bad choice’), raisins or peanut butter.  One night last fall a friend had dinner with us.  Afterwards, I was picking at a fruit and nut bar (of course) and offering him some.  He made a casual comment about not needing the ‘sweet’.  I was so deflated…why did he not need the ‘sweet’ and I so needed it.  I had prepared a delicious, healthy, balanced dinner and I still ‘needed’ the sweet.  So  disappointing.  That stuck with me.

Christmas rolled in…and all sugar bets are off during that time.  I am always mindful of what goes into my mouth, but with parties, finger foods and my friend Becky’s baking…I had to partake!

 I was back on the ‘reduced sugar’ wagon in January, but that familiar craving continued to nip at my heels.

Two months ago I watched the infamous ‘Cargill Meat Plant’ tour on Oprah.  The show was about the benefits of going Vegan.  I had seen the promos all week and silently told myself I wouldn’t be watching that.  (I have a very, very, very soft spot for animals…actually it’s more than soft, it’s a gaping wound and the thought of any little thing that might cause an animal pain or discomfort is like pouring a box of salt directly into it)  I am not usually home between four and five in the afternoon…but somehow on that day I found myself in front of the TV…”I wonder what’s on Oprah?”  I wasn’t going to watch…but I did…and in that hour, something clicked for me.  I cried for the rest of the day…

I bought Kathy Freston’s book, Quantum Wellness, the next day.  More about the animals…cried some more.  I read and researched and talked to Vegetarian’s and Vegan’s that I know.  I was on the verge of tears for several days actually.   It was like a release.   I felt like I had pulled the plug and drained the bath tub.  Making the choice to give up meat was this huge relief for me.  Could my extreme sensitivity to animal’s suffering have something to do with guilt…a guilt I wasn’t even aware of until now?  (Wow…that’s a whole other blog!!!)

I haven’t had a bite of meat since February 1.  I’m not here to preach about the benefits of a plant based diet…but I will tell you this.  Within 24 hours of giving up meat…my old nemesis disappeared…took a hike…hit the road!  MY DAILY SUGAR CRAVINGS ARE GONE.  For three decades I have battled this addiction…and within hours it simply dissolved.  I have no explanation for it because I am not a scientist.  Will I still enjoy a good dessert every once in a while?  Probably.  The point is, I have been set free from that daily need for the ‘sweet’ .  That is so huge for me I really can’t even put it into words.

So my daily ‘clean meal creations’ are now meat free.   The ease with which I have made this adjustment is remarkable.  I’m choosing to be in awe and to be thankful that I stumbled upon this path.  I’m still obsessing about food, just differently now and it really is a lot of fun.

So the point to this rambling is that I’m creating a blog.  I have been asked by many to share my recipes and meal plans…so here it is.  A place to post my favorites.  Setbacks and achievements will also be noted and I hope you will share too!